Tenderizer and new seasons

I feel like I'm in a season of tenderization. Not the kind where meat is laid out and whacked with a spiked hammer, but the kind where the tenderizing powder is rubbed in, or the meat is soaked, and either way it's left to set and soak in that liquid or that powder that's been massaged into all the fibers... and it gets soft. I feel like my heart is in that place with the Lord. She's being made tender to the things she was previously terribly harsh over. Oh, it's a beautiful thing! I've been longing for this for so long... and He's the master massage therapist for my soul, but He's had to get some of the bigger knots out before this part could soften up. Ooooh, my heart is so thrilled. She's so joyful.

There's so much going on inside of me right now I could hunker down and shake like the little lemmings of video games gone by and pop into colorful lemming confetti. haha! That's how much stirring there is inside! This transition out of one season into a new season... a season of physical training... of rest... of heart healing... I feel like the first half of this year were months of transition, of things just getting in the right place for the next season, like no one season had precedence earlier this year in my life, and it was this mish-mash of prep. But now I'm in another season of prep. But also learning to enjoy the moments. The now moments. The moments where people come in your life to stay, and other people walk out for good. The moments where you wake to a dream that showed you something different in you than who you were the day before. The moments where God moves so tenderly and preciously on your heart that you can't help but worship, whether that means falling on your face, weeping, laughing, jumping, dancing.... The moments where you're being so silly with friends you crack yourself up... haha! Oh, I love it... :)

Life... a part of me...

My life is... art scattered in my room all the time, and ideas in my head, whether I'm doing anything with it or not... the need to use a neti-pot to clear my sinuses... discovering the joy of working out and getting my body in shape... using that working out to burn extra energies, like the frustrations I feel at work because of things I can't go into on here... discovering posture, how it feels to sit and stand tall without slouching... discovering the joys of walking through the difficult things to get to the beautiful things... feeling that bittersweet ache that a "suddenly" friend has (almost just as suddenly!) moved out of state (that's the bitter part) to step into destiny (that's the sweet part!)... diving into inspiration... pursuing inner healing... stepping into a new season, that will be more glorious than the last... coming to know my heart, who She is and thus who I am, and how much God loves Me... apparently an aspiring fitness buff - a good set of trainers, exercise pants, sports bra, and fitness gloves and I feel like I can conquer the world... able to do more than I ever could imagine... pulling out gifts I didn't know I had (who knew I could tie knots in a rope to stabilize furniture on a trailer, AND drive the Suburban with said trailer all over Nashvegas?? Who knew I had mad skills turning cars around in small driveways? Yah, Jesus did! Ha! And I discovered!)... plotting more tattoos - so far I only have one, but I've got five more I know I want :)... setting goals - I'm not cutting my hair short the way I really like it until I reach my goal weight, neither am I going to get one of those five tattoos til I get one of either my four remaining student loans or my car loan paid off (the numbering works perfectly, I'll get one tattoo after each loan is paid)... Pinterest until the cows come home... sketching again... reading books on a Kindle that was gifted to me last weekend... overtime-ing it at work this week/weekend because it's a crazy EOQ.... having crazy dreams almost every night lately, remembering a few, forgetting most, but left with a feeling that my dreams have leveled up a notch and that's weird (in a good way)... and learning, in the midst of all of this, to rest, to surrender, to belong... this is a part of me.

Healthy & Fit & some other ramblings

Lately my breakfasts have consisted of Special K and coffee. Lunch has been anything from pizza to a sandwich & some chips or crackers. Snacks consist of granola bars or pudding or yogurt or fruit. Dinner has been smaller portions of foods, or another bowl of Special K.

I've been exercising almost every day this past week. 100 jumping jacks is a favorite (2 sets of 50), criss cross crunches are getting easier, thus enabling me to do more than just one set of 10 or 15 before collapsing :-p pull ups/chin ups are still hilariously uncoordinated, but I'm getting better :) lunges and squats are helping my thighs and calves tone up and thin down. I was able to do 40 push ups the other night (4 sets of 10), which was a MAJOR accomplishment for me! I'm sure they were lacking in form, but they happened, and that's more than I've been able to do since I was a child.
My church is also hosting a kettleball class that starts on Wednesday and I'm planning on attending that and making that part of my workout routine. Can. Not. Wait. :)

In addition to physical health, I'm doing more creative stuff. Hoping to launch my Etsy site soon as I get more pieces put together. It's such a wonderful thing to take time out to be creative.

<3

I have a problem

 Snack. This bag has four (4) servings in it. I'm pretty sure I obliterated at least half the bag in one sitting (not pictured is the Power-C Vitamin Water I drank with it, coming in at 120 calories. 

Next, lunch: 

I'll probably eat all the chicken, but going to have to avoid eating ALL the fries. 

This is a decision not just of the waistline but of the budget as well. I had the ridiculous idea when I finished off half that bag of cheese puffs that if I blog about what I'm eating, I may decide to make (and stick to) some changes. When you go shopping and realize you're going up in weight instead of down, and you think about what you've been eating... either you're going to be okay with it or you're going to make a change. So I'm trying the latter. We'll see how this lasts. And if I start to falter, I have y'all to keep me accountable. And I want you to. Why else would I blog about what I'm eating?

Agitation

Am I in some cosmic washing machine? Situations constantly reminding me of my desires for something different... Situations reminding me that I'm built for something more than what I'm doing right now, and I'm finding no joy in what I'm doing to pay the bills and it's consistently difficult to get up in the morning because I am yearning and longing for something other.

But what? 

I feel like as I am being agitated by these things that eventually the junk will be washed away and I'll be left with something clean and shiny, a blank slate, a new start, something I love. 

I don't have all the answers. Frankly, I don't have any answers right now. 

If I had it my way I would paint. I wouldn't be some tortured artist. Unless I was deprived of coffee... ;) But I would paint. Or find a job working with horses. Or finally become a massage therapist....

Okay... lunch break is over... thoughts continue in full force... whoosh-whoosh-slosh-slosh.... :)

Leftovers of leftovers

So I had this half box of curly pasta in the cabinet, some leftover alfredo sauce in the fridge that was going to go bad soon if I didn't use it within the week, and half a bag of frozen veggies in the freezer, along with a few pieces of frozen chicken that I needed to use... oh yeah, and some leftover cheese stuffed bread I'd thrown together last week that needed to be eaten before it got too dry and crusty.
Tonight I'm having the leftovers of the "leftovers" and it's not half bad. :) Trying to eat what's in the cabinets and freezer, etc. so that a) I'm not wasting a lot of food and b) I have room for fresher stuff.

Anyway. Slightly random thought of the day :)

words

Words. Words. Your words.
Do you realize what you're saying?

Words all look the same,
black and white
splashing in color
highlighted or bold
italicized
for good measure
capitalized
emphasized

What do you mean with your words?
Your tone, your heart
not so easy to convey
through plastic and light
on a screen

It can be
what you say
is not what was said
not what was heard
by the ears of the eyes
bringing their demise
or their laughter or joy
or pressing ridicule

Guard your heart
gentle reader
fearless writer
guard your heart