New

That moment when you start something new and you have that dreadful feeling of "can I really do this? Was this a bad idea? What have I gotten myself into?" but you realize it's going to be okay, you're going to get the hang of it, and you're going to be able to do it well, because you've gone through this feeling before, you've done the new things before and now you've been doing some of those things for so long that they're like second nature. It's not a question of "can I?" anymore, it's just a matter of doing it. You are able. Be confident. You can do this.

rambling shtuffs

Tomorrow, I'm gonna feel the workout I did tonight... that's a good thing.

My jeans don't cling to my calves/knees anymore when I walk. Hallelujah!

I'm stretching more during/after workouts, and I'm noticing my flexibility increasing, and joint pain decreasing.

I can stand eating healthy when it involves salads topped with steak strips or shrimp...

I'm learning to love green things.

Putting on my bra no longer requires a feat of contortion to complete.

I can feel the difference in my neck and my arms where "flab" tends to collect and just... hang... awkwardly... It doesn't feel so awkward anymore.

That's all for now. Part of losing weight is found in getting enough sleep, and I need to get on that...

Exercise and amazement

I love how my body feels when I exercise. She is happy. Thrilled at the movement, since my job confines me to a desk all day.

Next summer I will wear shorts.
I will wear tank tops.
I may even, maybe, wear dresses... If you know me you know this is a big deal for me.
I may even venture out into wearing sandals... I don't really wear them because you can't really see what's going on with my feet when I'm wearing jeans all the time...

Today marks four months until I turn 28.

I've been doing good since the first week of December and have lost 5lbs. This is big for me. Usually the number goes up.

It's not easy. Counting calories... actually taking the time and effort to exercise... to prepare meals... to watch what I eat instead of eating whatever is in front of me without hindrance. I haven't had this kind of discipline in a very, very long time.

I'm going to continue eating better and exercising... and reaching my first goal by my birthday. I will be in a friend's wedding in California the weekend after my birthday (ok, so I'll for sure be wearing a dress then), and visit family nearby after the wedding. I'm not doing this for family or friends or strangers or possible mates. I'm not doing this for anyone else but myself. I need this. She... needs this. Wants it.

OK. Enough of my rabbling on. I'm pulling extra time at the office this weekend and tomorrow's shift starts at 8am. Thank God coffee doesn't have a lot of calories ;)

Last night's dream

Last night I had a dream where (the only part I can remember) I was in this lobby/waiting room where there was a man being booked for a crime. I remember I had just been talking with this man and when they asked him to sign the papers for the booking, and I saw that he was going to be taken away, I asked if I could pray for him. So I prayed. I wrapped my arms around him and prayed. I felt Holy Spirit so strongly upon me and within me. I put my hand over this man's heart and spoke forgiveness and the compassion of God over him. Even if he was going to be locked up for a long time, even if he did something bad, he needed to know God's love. It didn't matter what he did. It didn't matter what the consequences were. He still needed to know the love of God and carry that with him into that place of consequence.

The sky is falling

So a couple of nights ago (Sunday night, to be exact) I had an interesting dream. I believe the meaning is personal, not corporate, but may share some details of the interpretation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was driving my car down a highway, and my friend Grace was riding with me. In my center console was something that was like two bottles shaped in a Yin Yang sort of style to fit together. One was black and labeled "Night," the other was silver and labeled "Day". They both absorbed some kind of liquid picked up when the car was running. Grace told me I needed to empty the "Night" bottle, so I picked it up and squeezed the dark, chunky/gunky liquid out the window (still driving! haha!). I was a little worried it might be corrosive if it hit my car, but knew I needed to get it emptied out anyway.

:cut to:
I've exited the car and now I'm walking with a group of people, maybe three or four people, along the highway. Except, I was walking fast (like I do in real life) so I was a little bit ahead of them. Suddenly, a piece of the sky fell. In the moment, I just knew that the sky was falling. Well, the sky looked like concrete and rebar when it hit the ground. It was a little startling, but we kept walking. I could see another portion start to fall and I ran ahead of where it was going to land and it fell behind me, between me and my friends. I laughed and kept going. My friends I think probably thought I was crazy, but we walked on. This happened a few times.

:cut to:
I'm walking into my parents' house with my twin sister. Except it's the house we used to live in when I was a teenager. It was late and my parents were going to bed. Perhaps dad was already asleep since I don't recall seeing him in the dream. My mom was laying in the bed that used to be where I slept. My sister and I were going to share her (my sister's) bed. As we walked in to the bedroom, a bit of sky fell  - boom! - right in the middle of the hallway! I was surprised, and apologized for the damage to the house (as if I have any control of where the sky is going to fall??). Mom said "don't worry about it, but be ready - the reporters are going to want to interview us about it." I think I responded with "ok" and proceeded to get ready for bed - it was late, too late for even the late news to be on. I laid down and then realized I wasn't wearing the pajamas I intended on wearing, so I got up to change. Then my alarm went off...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you go. Sky falling. I kind of want to go see the new James Bond flick because the name is so similar to the theme of my dream!

Interp.

part 1
A car typically points to ministry. Night and Day seemed to be referring to light and darkness, and the drastic difference between the two. My friend Grace was, in this dream, a personification of God's grace, His charis. In a different term, it was loving-kindness/favor instructing me to clean out any resemblance of darkness from my ministry/walk with God.

part 2
Friends are the people you have fellowship with. Walking ahead could mean leading, or possibly separated from. My friend Ginny when she read a blip of the dream I'd posted on Facebook said "the constructs of man have fallen and you can enjoy the benefits of an open heaven...." I would tend to agree with her. Over the previous weekend/week I had some experiences that pointed full force toward open heaven/destruction of man-made limits. The destruction of limits wasn't going to destroy me - I was in motion and moving ahead of the destruction of it so it wouldn't hurt me.

part 3
I can't share this portion on here just yet...


So. There you have it. The sky is falling. And I can't wait.
That was a pretty rockin awesome dream, too. Felt like a movie but in reality. Ha! Love it :)

fall cleaning

For the first time in... MONTHS... all my clothes are put away, the laundry basket has dirty laundry in it - not clean clothes that I've not bothered to hang while the dirty laundry lies on the floor of the closet - and I can actually close my closet door. This is progress. Considering over the last few months I'd either been traveling, battling sinus/cold/bronchitis junk, or just plain not feeling like I had any control over anything anymore.
There's a lot more to be done yet - like re-organizing my art supplies that seem to have exploded all over my room. And figuring out how to clean up the mess of a closet that has spewed half it's contents on the floor.
I re-organized my room last spring so I could have floor space, and since that re-organization, I've not had any floor space! At least, not for very long. So this needs to change. Hopefully I can make some more progress on it tomorrow night. Including taking a trip to the Goodwill. Partially to take things and get rid of them, and partially to look for a few new clothes. I realize I have maybe three to five shirts that I wear constantly... Maybe. So, new season, time to go shopping. Also, time to get a haircut... Need to get some shape back in that mess.

Anyway. Enough rambling, it's time for sleep :)

Gypsy Queen

I wear a scarf and cloak
Just like a gypsy queen.
With my cut-off gloves
I'm sure I was a scene.

But I'm walking now
In newfound dignity.
This is something you
Can't take away from me.